I remember, not so long ago, a time when every day presented an occasion, a moment, when the wonder of being alive in the world presented itself to me. Often, this was on the way to work as the sun crested the horizon in front of me. The wonder of being on this spinning planet, the revelation of the sun's light and the beauty of the city as it received it, was like a revelation. It took my breath away and I felt true joy. Then, I was off to work to be trampled and pummeled by some of the worst aspects of reality. Those moments, and others like them, were what held me together.
Since then, I've been through a divorce and am now two years into wrestling with infertility and miscarriage. Along the way, I have somehow lost the faculty for seeing that bright spot in my dark days. This isn't to say I haven't been happy, I just haven't felt those moments of joy like I used to. Something happened and those moments just disappeared. I don't know what the cause is, and its likely I never will because it isn't any single thing. But, I'm tired of living without the joy. So, I'm starting this blog in an attempt to force myself into looking for it, and finding it. I'm not looking for a life filled with sunbeams and rainbows. I'm just looking for one single moment, each day that reminds me of the joy there is in living.
I have a feeling may of those things will be pretty banal. A cat, a dog, a smile, a sunrise or sunset. But, that's the point, isn't it? There is joy in ordinary life. I need to recapture it.
